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[Transhuman]

My anger is taking over a bit now and I'm sitting here looking at this and just tempted to bag it up, put it in the bin (trash can), put the chain on the door and ignore her for an evening.

That's the spirit, get rid of all your old clothes because it's a whole new start for you now.

 

[Krauser Kat]

have an adult conversation. Tell her your feelings and trust are hurt. If you like her enough. you can forgive her and move on or you can end it.

Cheating is almost always a symptom of something else wrong in the relationship.

People dont do it maliciously it just happens for a variety of reasons. Hopefully she knows why she did what she did. Maybe the information will help inform the rest of the relationship or your next one.

 

[The Incarnation]

If she loves you and the relationship's good otherwise, let it go. Maybe have a really clear conversation about how polyamory/polysexuality makes her feel. Humans are not meant for strict monogamy, it's a remnant of Christian repression. It's time for people to be more honest with themselves about their sexuality.

Yeah, you should stay away from kids.

 

[FunkyPajamas]

You sure she doesn't feel neglected due to video games and that's why she is seeking attention elsewhere?

Then she should have broke up with him or brought up the subject for discussion, not go behind OP's back flirting online.

 

[Jeronimo Jones]

I'm not the passive-aggressive type so I say: 1)confront her with what you found
2)listen (or not) to her rationalizing or admitting guilt
3)end the the relationship if the trust is gone

Some of these ideas may seem funny on the internet but you're both on the lease and unless you want to pay half while living with your parents and pack up all your stuff, you'll have to figure out that part too.

 

[OCD Guy]

I'm going to ask a personal question....

If that's a regular night, are you ignoring her for video games?
You sure she doesn't feel neglected due to video games and that's why she is seeking attention elsewhere?

Maybe, but I'm thinking she'd have probably done it anyway.

But even then I'd have expected her to bring it up. If I'm not told then how do I know it's a problem.

Besides I don't think my game playing is excessive.

 

[Cronen]

Sorry to hear that OP. Something similar happened to me (minus the pic), but I found out the same way. I confronted her about it and she appologised, but never said she would stop seeing/speaking to the guy. the relationship, or what was left of it kept going for about 3 months but during that time I was a paranoid wreck. I'm hindsight, I should have ended it then. In the end she packed her bags and left on Valentine's Day. I believe she is still with the guy now.

I'm in the UK, and we were both on a lease for our flat. When she moved out, she ended up still giving me her share of the rent. I imagine if her name wasn't on the contract it would have been a different story. But if you or her move out, then that could be a way to see the lease through until the end/give your months notice.

 

[ChaosZeroX]

If she loves you and the relationship's good otherwise, let it go. Maybe have a really clear conversation about how polyamory/polysexuality makes her feel. Humans are not meant for strict monogamy, it's a remnant of Christian repression. It's time for people to be more honest with themselves about their sexuality.

This is terrible advice. There are only a handful amount of people out there that are okay with being in an open relationship.

 

[Mikeside]

I can't let it go.

For me being in a committed relationship involves being fully committed to me. Trust is very important to me, it takes a while to build and can't be repaired easily with me.

It's good to see that some people seem ok with it though. But maybe if people are that way inclined they should make it clear that's what they want, not shit on someone.

bingo

any kind of relationship is OK as long as it's between consenting adults. You can't change the terms of a relationship without everybody involved knowing about it and being ok with it.

That's what separates poly from cheating. It should be obvious, but a lot of the pro-poly crowd always seem to forget that when they shit up relationship threads.

 

[BokehKing]

Dude, what is this.

Couples can't spend time together anymore unless they are both doing the exact same thing at all times? Have you ever been in a serious relationship or shacked up with someone you love?

???? Are you suggesting that what I said can't be a reality?

 

[OCD Guy]

That's the spirit, get rid of all your old clothes because it's a whole new start for you now.

lol They're not my clothes, but you knew that.

 

[BokehKing]

Then she should have broke up with him or brought up the subject for discussion, not go behind OP's back flirting online.

Hey now, no way I'm approving this treachery I feel awful for OP

 

[Jack The Nipper]

one of those things where people put too much emphasis on sex just like money and many other things. sex is more natural than the feelings you have

All she did was see some penis. I have to ask, why does it bother us so much for a person to go fuck when that is instinct of it all.

I mean, boils down to maybe she is a lot better around you for everything else but her getting some moans in would kill all of that and make you go away from her forever?

Not that I am saying what is right or wrong simply offering a perspective.

You can have sex with a man as a man and not be gay but to simply do it. For me, I wouldn't do what you are doing in the same instance, I'd just say something like do you want it? refering to his penis and more in a silly way and not a care or not care way

 

[blame space]

she was sexting her furry sidepiece while riding with me to my dads for Thanksgiving.

this is gonna stick with me

 

[17 Seconds]

I'm going to ask a personal question....

If that's a regular night, are you ignoring her for video games?
You sure she doesn't feel neglected due to video games and that's why she is seeking attention elsewhere?

oh my

 

[Anticol]

I'm going to ask a personal question....

If that's a regular night, are you ignoring her for video games?
You sure she doesn't feel neglected due to video games and that's why she is seeking attention elsewhere?

Are you really trying to blame OP here, get out m8. So OP plays videogames and that's the excuse for her to cheat? Are you listening to yourself. The worst part is that this weak argument already put doubts in OP's mind so I can't even imagine all the bs she will pull on him if he let her "explain" herself.

 

[ant_]

How common is cheating? I've experienced it twice in a row, and it turns me off and saddens me about future relationships. I'm scared, to be honest.

 

[lenos16]

If she loves you and the relationship's good otherwise, let it go. Maybe have a really clear conversation about how polyamory/polysexuality makes her feel. Humans are not meant for strict monogamy, it's a remnant of Christian repression. It's time for people to be more honest with themselves about their sexuality.

Yes because monogamy is somehow a Christian only thing right? Are you one of those new age hipsters?

 

[Tinfoilhatsron]

I'm going to ask a personal question....

If that's a regular night, are you ignoring her for video games?
You sure she doesn't feel neglected due to video games and that's why she is seeking attention elsewhere?

L O L
Are you serious? How would that justify anything?

 

[Maoyama]

How common is cheating? I've experienced it twice in a row, and it turns me off and saddens me about future relationships. I'm scared, to be honest.

I am of the mentality that given enough time everyone will "cheat" in some small or large way. Either texting/sexting, going out with someone, hooking up with the massage guy, fucking around with a friend, etc.

 

[Anticol]

How common is cheating? I've experienced it twice in a row, and it turns me off and saddens me about future relationships. I'm scared, to be honest.

Women cheat all the time, not all of them but the ones who do they do it constantly.

 

[Hylian7]

I'm going to ask a personal question....

If that's a regular night, are you ignoring her for video games?
You sure she doesn't feel neglected due to video games and that's why she is seeking attention elsewhere?

Because even if that is the case, cheating is totally the solution instead of, I dunno, maybe actually talking about it.

Get a grip dude.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

How common is cheating? I've experienced it twice in a row, and it turns me off and saddens me about future relationships. I'm scared, to be honest.

Expect it constantly until you find someone who actually wants to be with you. Maybe you'll find that person next, though, you never know.

The problem is many people don't know what they actually want, or if they change their mind while in a relationship, they don't know how to just communicate that and move on.

 

[Mikeside]

How common is cheating? I've experienced it twice in a row, and it turns me off and saddens me about future relationships. I'm scared, to be honest.

pretty common until you find a decent partner.

I've been cheated on in every serious relationship I've had until my current one.
I went into it with a lot of trust issues, which I was really open about, but as the prior experience faded, the issues have too.

It's difficult, but you have to chalk it up to experience and try to take the lessons but not the baggage with you.

 

[OCD Guy]

one of those things where people put too much emphasis on sex just like money and many other things. sex is more natural than the feelings you have

All she did was see some penis. I have to ask, why does it bother us so much for a person to go fuck when that is instinct of it all.

I mean, boils down to maybe she is a lot better around you for everything else but her getting some moans in would kill all of that and make you go away from her forever?

Not that I am saying what is right or wrong simply offering a perspective.

You can have sex with a man as a man and not be gay but to simply do it. For me, I wouldn't do what you are doing in the same instance, I'd just say something like do you want it? refering to his penis and more in a silly way and not a care or not care way

I'm shocked honestly.

Some of you are obviously very secure. So you're ok if your girlfriend was sitting there openly receiving dick pictures and having a conversation about what they wanted to do with eachother?

Also it's not as simple as you've made it "All she did was see some penis". Forget the penis for a moment, she's having a conversation behind my back that's sexual and describing what they want to do with eachother.

But that's ok.

 

[Frozenprince]

Which is why I am specifically recommending that episode by Dan Savage. It kind of highlights why emotional cheating shouldn't really be taking as a deal breaker in most case. He goes further to make a point about how actual physical cheating is also not the end of the world, but I don't totally agree with him on that one. This one: http://www.savagelovecast.com/episodes/504#.V4-jOPmAOko

My point being, that doing this sort of stuff doesnt always lead to more stuff down the line and that just doing this sometimes just reinforces what your partner saw in you and highlights how you are so different than the other people. It is also sometimes done out of boredom, like masturbating just because you don't have anything else to do.

It's not okay.

People need to stop trying to present this as okay.

 

[OriginofHysteria]

L O L
Are you serious? How would that justify anything?

Because significant others feel like they're being placed in the back seat if they focus on something more like video games. For example, if your gf was like oh come cuddle and you say 'yeah in a second' while playing GTA. I don't play games much anymore but I've been confronted about it.

It also happens if a person is a workaholic and is barely even home.

 

[Vire]

one of those things where people put too much emphasis on sex just like money and many other things. sex is more natural than the feelings you have

All she did was see some penis. I have to ask, why does it bother us so much for a person to go fuck when that is instinct of it all.

I mean, boils down to maybe she is a lot better around you for everything else but her getting some moans in would kill all of that and make you go away from her forever?

Not that I am saying what is right or wrong simply offering a perspective.

You can have sex with a man as a man and not be gay but to simply do it. For me, I wouldn't do what you are doing in the same instance, I'd just say something like do you want it? refering to his penis and more in a silly way and not a care or not care way

Some of the posts in this thread are truly baffling.

 

[johancruijff]

dude

get out the house, take a walk, call a good friend, get a couple of drinks

stop reading gaf

and

check your rental contract and/or call the landlord

 

[Slayer-33]

The last time I saw her using the ipad was last night while I was playing the PS4. No mention of me at all.

She wasn't hiding at all I have a seperate chair when I game so I sit close to the tv, she was sitting in the same room on the ipad. Just a typical night, she's always on the ipad, facebook, amazon the usual.



Exactly. I don't for one second believe she left the page open in safari as a hint.



As I've said there was nothing at all to make me believe the relationship had changed, she hadn't changed her behaviour and we were still doing everything we normally do.

Does she see gaming as kiddy? If so there's your problem, probably made up her mind about that a long time ago, as petty as it sounds. Some people are like that, all narrow minded and shit and don't understand gaming and why you'd devote time to it.

Maybe she's rarely out and got someones attention? Shared contact info and dropped her feet in the mud with this.

Maybe she's the type that would do this and had been doing it in the past with other ex's? You probably have a better idea of what it all means since you've known her for a while now.

Only you can kinda answer these.

 

[Hoo-doo]

???? Are you suggesting that what I said can't be a reality?

I am suggesting that trying to have the OP doubt himself and his own actions as he's the one getting screwed in this situation, is not a good move.

Why are you trying to place blame on the victim here. Even if the did play videogames all day, they were living together and in a committed 4-year relationship. You don't just go sexting random dudes.

Stop trying to cast aspersions while the OP isn't in the wrong.

 

[Frozenprince]

one of those things where people put too much emphasis on sex just like money and many other things. sex is more natural than the feelings you have

All she did was see some penis. I have to ask, why does it bother us so much for a person to go fuck when that is instinct of it all.

I mean, boils down to maybe she is a lot better around you for everything else but her getting some moans in would kill all of that and make you go away from her forever?

Not that I am saying what is right or wrong simply offering a perspective.

You can have sex with a man as a man and not be gay but to simply do it. For me, I wouldn't do what you are doing in the same instance, I'd just say something like do you want it? refering to his penis and more in a silly way and not a care or not care way

Nah.

This is worse than your "I can outshoot Steph Curry" stuff.

 

[Maoyama]

It's not okay.

People need to stop trying to present this as okay.

I mean, fundamental difference in how we see the world and relationships in general?

I can totally see why most people think like you, but I still think that opening yourself up to a more open and laid back approach to human interactions is healthy at some point in your life.

 

[ZeroMaverick]

It was asked earlier but this thread seems to be moving fast.

We've been together for 4 years.

Dude, you're making me cry. This is sad, man. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Fuck.

 

[OCD Guy]

Because significant others feel like they're being placed in the back seat if they focus on something more like video games. For example, if your gf was like oh come cuddle and you say 'yeah in a second' while playing GTA. I don't play games much anymore but I've been confronted about it.

It also happens if a person is a workaholic and is barely even home.

That's the key thing, if there's a problem in the relationship you should say it. Sometimes the other person doesn't know.

It's the same with sex, if you don't like something, or prefer it done in a certain way it's better to tell the other person so they know.

I don't think me playing Alienation is why she decided to talk about what she wanted to do with another guy.

 

[thenexus6]

Tough break OP sorry to hear that.

I'd pack some if her important items in a box, confront her when she gets home, and tell her she's not staying here tonight. Or vice versa and pack your own stuff and leave

 

[BokehKing]

Are you really trying to blame OP here, get out m8. So OP plays videogames and that's the excuse for her to cheat? Are you listening to yourself. The worst part is that this weak argument already put doubts in OP's mind so I can't even imagine all the bs she will pull on him if he let her "explain" herself.

I'm not blaming OP
I'm pointing something out that is very very common with females in relationships that get jealous of video games.

 

[daveo42]

Sorry OP. Cheating is fucking rotten.

I'd say you should pack your stuff up, get any kind of issues with the lease settled with the apartment/flat owner, and wait for her to come home. Drop the iPad with the convo on it in front of her, tell her you're moving out and the relationship is over, then peace the fuck out. Just make sure you get the least stuff taken care of along with you stuff before breaking contact.

 

[Royal_Phalanx]

Sorry to hear that man. Break up with her, then get a few buddies, go over to a good bar/club, talk to cute girls, hopefully meet someone who's interested in hooking up and have sex.

 

[Kevtones]

Tell her what happened and that things are over. That you no longer trust her.

Let her say her piece and even try to explain herself. Once she has done so, reiterate your decision and tell her that you're moving out.

Let her live in the memories. Go save money and live with your parents for a bit.

 

[Mesoian]

L O L
Are you serious? How would that justify anything?

It doesn't.

But it's good to understand why the relationship went south. Even if it's just a fundimental incompatibility, a lot of the time it's less about the cheating and realizing that even if you decided to forgive the cheating, the relationship would still be doomed.

If that is the case anyway.

It was asked earlier but this thread seems to be moving fast.

We've been together for 4 years.

Oof. That's rough.

 

[Frozenprince]

I mean, fundamental difference in how we see the world and relationships in general?

I can totally see why most people think like you, but I still think that opening yourself up to a more open and laid back approach to human interactions is healthy at some point in your life.

Ah yes. You're more enlightened.

I'm speaking from a perspective that i don't think anybody else in this thread has actually spoken too.

I'v been the perpetrator of this kind of breach of intimacy.

It's not okay.

 

[FunkyPajamas]

Women cheat all the time, not all of them but the ones who do they do it constantly.

Some people cheat, and a subset of those cheaters are probably recurrent in their behavior.

Honestly out of about 10 serious relationships in my life I've only once encountered a cheating partner and to be honest I kind of saw it coming so it was my fault that I stayed in the relationship. Funny story: few years later she cheated on her fiancee with me. I called the guy and told him what happened. He thanked me and dumped her.

Expect it constantly until you find someone who actually wants to be with you.

pretty common until you find a decent partner.

Really? I guess I was just lucky then.

 

[OCD Guy]

Does she see gaming as kiddy? If so there's your problem, probably made up her mind about that a long time ago, as petty as it sounds. Some people are like that, all narrow minded and shit and don't understand gaming and why you'd devote time to it.

Maybe she's rarely out and got someones attention? Shared contact info and dropped her feet in the mud with this.

Maybe she's the type that would do this and had been doing it in the past with other ex's? You probably have a better idea of what it all means since you've known her for a while now.

Only you can kinda answer these.

That's the thing so many unanswered questions, but to be fair it won't change anything for me now.

I had no reason to believe she was like that, but often it's the people you least expect. There were no signs at all either.

In previous relationships things change, they'll suddenly go out more, we'll have less sex, their phone will be face down and never out of their sight etc.

 

[creatchee]

You need a GAF meet up as a reason to go and hook up with a girl you know?

What da fuq?

Wait, hooking up with girl isn't reason enough? lolgafman

Well, it's a 2+ hour drive and I kinda have to justify the trip and related time dedication for all of that. Plus, it's way better to say "hey I'm in Orlando this weekend for a thong and I might have some free time if you want to meet up" rather than "hey I'm coming to Orlando in the hopes that you'll let me throw it in you". lol

Well then what are you waiting for? Never been to a GAF meetup in Orlando, but I know there are alot of Gaffers here

We should organize (in another thread of course).

 

[Kelsdesu]

Pack your shit and leave. Not worth the effort. Plenty of fish in the sea.

Blam. Right there, OP. It is never worth it.

 

[Anticol]

Because significant others feel like they're being placed in the back seat if they focus on something more like video games. For example, if your gf was like oh come cuddle and you say 'yeah in a second' while playing GTA. I don't play games much anymore but I've been confronted about it.

It also happens if a person is a workaholic and is barely even home.

Dude, this video is for guys like you. Hopefully you'll learn something.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEihozYaK9Y

I'm not blaming OP
I'm pointing something out that is very very common with females in relationships that get jealous of video games.

The video will work for you as well.

 

[Astral]

I'm desperately waiting for her to get home so OP can tell us her bullshit explanation.

 

[FallingEdge]

If she loves you and the relationship's good otherwise, let it go. Maybe have a really clear conversation about how polyamory/polysexuality makes her feel. Humans are not meant for strict monogamy, it's a remnant of Christian repression. It's time for people to be more honest with themselves about their sexuality.

lmao

regardless of the type of relationship they have, it is still built on trust

there is none here

 

[NobleGundam]

Send back a picture of your cock.

"Check Mate"

The Tables Have Turned!