"My friend was using my account!"
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So I just went on my girlfriends ipad....
- Thread starter OCD Guy
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"My friend was using my account!"
Daffy Duck
Member
He's a gaffer, I bet he touches the water.
tell her but don't wait for her reaction, she will try one of two things:
1. Blame the whole thing on you, saying it is your fault she's doing it and getting angry at you for it.
2. Manipulate you until the point to make you believe this is nothing and you should let it slide.
If you let her do any of those two things things will get worse and she will see it as a chance to go pursue these things even further.My advice is to tell her you know, ignore everything she says and move on, there are a ton of girls out there.
Good luck op.
1. Blame the whole thing on you, saying it is your fault she's doing it and getting angry at you for it.
2. Manipulate you until the point to make you believe this is nothing and you should let it slide.
If you let her do any of those two things things will get worse and she will see it as a chance to go pursue these things even further.My advice is to tell her you know, ignore everything she says and move on, there are a ton of girls out there.
Good luck op.
Not sure what your point is? There are people in happy open relationships that could say the same to you. Its completely irrelevant that you have your own thing going on.
Slayer-33
Liverpool-2
It does work. I'm buying a full drivers side mirror/housing for my Acura TLS, been having a text convo with a guy that works at a yunk yard in Ohio (found their ad of a parts car on Craigslist) he most definitely popped up in my friends suggestion/question shit on FB.
johancruijff
Banned
check your rental contract and/or call the landlord
play dumb until you know exactly where you're heading
play dumb until you know exactly where you're heading
This is terrible.
OP seems to be very logical, and I'm sure that will help him in this case. As others have mentioned you need to get any "what did I do wrong" worries of your mind. I've been through this nonsense before and it can eat you up.
Good luck OP, I hope all works out for you.
Elginer
Member
You son of a bitch, that's brilliant! LMAO
Do it for shits and giggles if nothing else.
Askherserenity
Member
Revenge has to be ok sometimes right?
Just a small goof is all.
Just a small goof is all.
Oh yeah there's no doubt in my mind. Trust is important to me, and there's no explanation out there that could make this all better.
I also couldn't carry on as I'd just be overly paranoid. I honestly don't know how people can forgive and carry on when people cheat etc.
Obviously I don't know if she's slept with anyone, the conversation doesn't make it clear that she has with him, but this conversation is enough for me to walk away.
My anger is taking over a bit now and I'm sitting here looking at this and just tempted to bag it up, put it in the bin (trash can), put the chain on the door and ignore her for an evening.
That sucks man, thats bullshit.... ridiculous behavior on all parts and your GF is just as guilty according to her response.. imo, in my experience with more than a few situations with women in committed relationships, this is a deal breaker and if you stay it will happen again and worse, where she will act on it if it has not been happening already.
Agree with poster who said, be a calm adult and tell her she done fucked up and you are better than that shit and as soon as you can both arrange a living solution you are out...
then get the fuck out and spend the next six to eight months getting ready to try again
Agree with poster who said, be a calm adult and tell her she done fucked up and you are better than that shit and as soon as you can both arrange a living solution you are out...
then get the fuck out and spend the next six to eight months getting ready to try again
rokkerkory
Member
Time to drop her
Fahzgoolin
Banned
If necessary, you might wanna talk to the landlord privately if you need to leave. Explaining your situation might help. Once a landlord felt sympathy for a situation I was in and allowed me to make small monthly payments when leaving instead of an upfront payment.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
Feel for you OP. seems like you're reacting in the best way.
And if you own the place then tell her to pack and go
Just move on, OP. I'd say take your stuff and leave to avoid confrontation, if you're not up for that. It's not like you owe her anything.
You seem pretty chill despite all that's happened. So don't mind the details, the whys and whens - none of that matters. Don't compare yourself to the guy, either. You're you.
You seem pretty chill despite all that's happened. So don't mind the details, the whys and whens - none of that matters. Don't compare yourself to the guy, either. You're you.
When I was younger I saw stuff like this much more hardcore. Now, at 26, I wouldn't particularly care and would just bring it up in a non confrontational manner. Me and my current GF are in a very open relationship with each other. We are very clear that we are dating each other and not really looking for new sexual partners, but we still actively go on Tinder and OkCupid dates with other people. If we are away from each other for a few days we might read each other the texts/sexts that we had with other people just for the heck of it.
She knows I've had a few sexual partners since we started dating, but that it hasn't moved past that. I know she has been going on dates with other guys and that it hasn't moved past the point of making out/using hands. I have never been happier than I am with her in our current setup and at least for the foreseeable future, if I get into a new relationship it has to been with someone that's willing to engage in an open relationship from the start.
OP: I recommend you listen to Dan Savage's podcast of about 2 weeks ago. It goes into some detail about why modern women have been much more open about having "adventures" online or through the phone than previous generations even though not all of them move into a physical relationship. I understand strict monogamy is still the norm, but more and more, its been clear to me that moving boundaries within relationships is a very healthy if somewhat scary thing to experiment with.
She knows I've had a few sexual partners since we started dating, but that it hasn't moved past that. I know she has been going on dates with other guys and that it hasn't moved past the point of making out/using hands. I have never been happier than I am with her in our current setup and at least for the foreseeable future, if I get into a new relationship it has to been with someone that's willing to engage in an open relationship from the start.
OP: I recommend you listen to Dan Savage's podcast of about 2 weeks ago. It goes into some detail about why modern women have been much more open about having "adventures" online or through the phone than previous generations even though not all of them move into a physical relationship. I understand strict monogamy is still the norm, but more and more, its been clear to me that moving boundaries within relationships is a very healthy if somewhat scary thing to experiment with.
I think this is a great idea.
This has good intentions, but doesn't work and will only make it harder. Liars will lie when confronted. People with good hearts will believe them and get taken advantage of. If you let her explain herself, you need to still end it. Period.
I think the OP has made it clear that he doesn't want an open relationship. Open relationships require the consent of both parties. It's not a one sided thing that you keep hidden from your partner.
ChaosZeroX
Banned
OP do you plan on speaking to her?
When will this happen if so? Please don't let her turn herself into a "victim."
When will this happen if so? Please don't let her turn herself into a "victim."
Why? If the trust's broken, it's broken. Usually confrontation will only lead to anger and more unsolved questions.
univariate
Banned
Totally. When my ex-GF broke my trust, I broke up with her. We got back together and we broke up again because I just couldn't trust her anymore––it poisoned the relationship.
Just be mature when you end things. It's tough.
edit: don't do any of that stuff (putting her stuff in the bin). Be mature, man. You're the bigger person.
Frozenprince
Banned
If he didn't ask for an open relationship and she hid this from him, obviously this goes deeper than that.
You're projecting on him in a way that's unfair.
Yup, just look at your FB phone contacts suggestions first
Add the number
CLOSE THE APP
Then go back into it
The face that wasn't there before will be that dick (it's probably Trump)
But it won't change anything.
Put yourself in my shoes, is there any explanation you can think of that would make this all ok for you?
Hey I'm all for that sort of relationship if it's made clear. But often people enter into monogamous relationships even though they don't want them.
There are plenty of people out there happy to have a more open relationship, and just serial date.
Melkezadek
Member
Moff
Member
nothing wrong with poly, but even if OP suddenly becomes poly, this was not a poly relationship, trust was set up and she broke it. he can and should never trust her again.
backflip10019
Member
I mean, this type of relationship clearly isn't for most people, especially in these circumstances. I don't think it's particularly helpful to have this conversation now, considering the OP seems like he absolutely doesn't want to be in a situation with his significant other hooking up with someone else.
All we know is that she flirted with a guy on whatsapp. While that is awful, it is clearly a tiny part of a larger story. Making hard decisions before at least knowing the rest of the story is silly.
Would it change the breach in trust? Most likely not, but you should never make an impulsive choice without gathering at least some of the information you're missing.
You understand that most people are not in open relationships, right?
OP cares, I would care, most men would care.
Nothing wrong with OP being pissed.
StarCreator
Member
It has been asked and answered. They've been together four years and have lived together about a year.
That is all well and good but it is not the agreement that they had and nobody should be moved to such an agreement out of fear or resignation to someone else's impulses, actions (like his GF's)
Also as you are probably well aware monogamy is way more of what most people still expect, prefer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2AUat93a8Q
OP, watch this before anything big happens.
Then leave her.
OP, watch this before anything big happens.
Then leave her.
It was asked earlier but this thread seems to be moving fast.
We've been together for 4 years.
Lasthope106
Member
Man those pics are heart wrenching for some reason. To know that the person you love and have shared so many good memories with has been doing shit behind your back.
Hang in there OP. Everything will be fine. You are probably really sad, angry, confused. Talk to the people you love. Surround yourself with people and things you enjoy. It's going to be rough, but you'll be okay mate.
Hang in there OP. Everything will be fine. You are probably really sad, angry, confused. Talk to the people you love. Surround yourself with people and things you enjoy. It's going to be rough, but you'll be okay mate.
This is the worse advice ever, don't do this OP, no matter what if you stay with her after this it will be the worst mistake.
I say it as a half-jest but he should keep a copy for sure.
She's called since I found the conversation but I couldn't bring myself to answer the phone.
Obviously she has no idea that I know.
Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, it wouldn't make any difference.
Can I imagine an explanation that might change your mind? Of course I can.
Hear her out. What is the downside of doing so? Answer: there is none. Don't make decisions like this in the heat of your justifiable anger.
Lasthope106
Member
Pretty unhelpful post given what OP is going through. Just because you approve of that lifestyle doesn't mean most people do.
When is she coming home?
malingenie
Member
Oh yeah there's no doubt in my mind. Trust is important to me, and there's no explanation out there that could make this all better.
I also couldn't carry on as I'd just be overly paranoid. I honestly don't know how people can forgive and carry on when people cheat etc.
Obviously I don't know if she's slept with anyone, the conversation doesn't make it clear that she has with him, but this conversation is enough for me to walk away.
My anger is taking over a bit now and I'm sitting here looking at this and just tempted to bag it up, put it in the bin (trash can), put the chain on the door and ignore her for an evening.
Good choice, brother. And best of luck, the next phase is going to be difficult.
I never suggested the OP stay with his girlfriend. Might as well know the whole story. It could help him avoid a similar mistake in the future if nothing else.
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