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I told my girlfriend she had an imaginary friend..
- Thread starter Rushersauce
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Leaving a discussion is not a viable option when you are discussing issues like how you would want to raise your children together.
Nope.
It's true that there are better ways to handle it than saying what you did, but she attacked the very core of who you are as a person. It would be wrong of you to just accept that.
User 100115
Banned
If someone is deeply involved with a religion, and has been since childhood, there is no changing their mind. It's not going to happen. Having a conversation that challenges each others beliefs will only lead to hurt feelings and a likely parting of ways. I know this because I've grown up as a non religious person in very religious communities.
People find comfort in their faith. They need to feel that someone is watching over them. When you question that, or challenge it, you aren't just attacking their religion, you are attacking the very thing that they believe holds them together. I just find that wrong.
Unless they are hurting people (like ISIS and what not), then there is no reason for you to try and pressure them to change, unless they come to you asking questions.
Keep in mind, I feel this goes both ways. Religious people shouldn't try and pressure non religious people either. It's disrespectful both ways.
But I am super weird and yes, very non-confrontational. So take it as you will. Some people get their kicks arguing with others about stuff that is never going to change. This is way I always change the subject IRL if religion or politics come up.
brokenbeans
Banned
You are well off out of that judging by her reaction.
But honestly you should both be dating people with the same beliefs, let's face it they are the kind of things you learn right at the start of a relationship don't kid yourself this was always going to happen.
It's good that you tried to believe in same in the same things as her but at the same time it's not really fair on you and if she can't see that then this was never going to end well.
But honestly you should both be dating people with the same beliefs, let's face it they are the kind of things you learn right at the start of a relationship don't kid yourself this was always going to happen.
It's good that you tried to believe in same in the same things as her but at the same time it's not really fair on you and if she can't see that then this was never going to end well.
I don't agree with that, she started it by telling him he has no morals because he's an atheist, that's a shitty thing to say! I would have dumped her right then and there, there's no coming back from that, she attacked him as a person.
And respect goes both ways, not believing deserves as much respect as believing. A religious person can't disrespect an atheist and then be angry if their religion gets shit on in response.
He states that she believes in an imaginary man in the sky. She doesn't believe that. She believes in a God that exists beyond our comprehension. She doesn't believe he's imaginary.
She states that he doesn't have any morals. He doesn't believe that. He believes he does have morals.
Like I said, candid descriptions can definitely be insulting as it applies not only what the other person believes but about what the person believes about the other person's beliefs.
In terms of the nature of sin and Hell, it is so much more complex than that nad leaving out "details" is almost equivalent in my opinion to someone claiming atheism is ridiculous due to the fact that everything amazing and unlikely in the universe just came about by accident. Stating each argument shows how much of a misunderstanding they have of the other's beliefs.
Chairmanchuck
Member
No. It seems from what you wrote, that she drags you to church, wants her children to be educated as catholics etc.
Which is bs. Like I said. I am also a catholic, but I was taught to accept other viewpoints and try to see the other side of the coin.
That is what christianity is (or should be) about actually.
this about sums it up perfectly.
don't GAF in real life unless you want this shit to get real.
That's not what is to be learned from this.
If anything, being punched and not doing anything will lead you to a worse outcome.
It's about what you do, not how you react. How you deal with situations before the problem happens is what determines how it plays out.
Though how you reacted was admittedly really shitty and you should work on that.
Pretty accurate tbh.
One of the few self-aware memes.
I dunno man, how do you stay with somebody that believes you have no morals? Chances are, she was saying what she really felt instead of just saying something she thought would hurt you even if she didn't believe it. Angry outbursts often allow you to see people's real views. Her later being calm doesn't change what she thinks, only what she says.
This is why I said it depends on the people. I have no problem with this and that is actually a really interesting discussion, but many people I've talked to don't do it this way. It is literally you are an idiot who knows no better type of thing. That is what puts people on the defensive and things turn disrespectful.
Nah, don't take punches. She was out of line for saying you lack morals. You really should apologize for what you said, but you also need to make sure that she knows that the things she said where inappropriate and not in line with the love that her own religion says she should have for others.
It's impossible for them to prove their God is real. So, while you're giving reason after reason as to why their religion is a fairy tale perpetuated by the fear of "hell", it'll make them very uncomfortable because all they can say is nonsense like "free will" and "mysterious ways".
It's like starting a fight with a 3 legged puppy, it's unfair and cruel.
Rushersauce
Banned
Sorry, as I am still a little bit dizzy, I coulnd't put it like I wanted. Read my edit
Admiral Woofington
Member
I'm usually all for gifs for a thread backfire but this isn't one. OP excluded information that puts the girlfriend in a worse light.
Team Alucard
Banned
Well I was baptized and raised Catholic so its an easy lie to maintain.
I can admit my lack of faith to close friends and family who I know don't care, but when people I dont know too well ask me about my religious beliefs I put up the facade.
Plus if i recall correctly, according to canon law, there's no way to stop being Catholic once you've been baptized. Even if you tell the church you're an apostate or a heretic and request to be excommunicated, you're still considered one and counted amongst their numbers. =P
That's awesome. LOL
BocoDragon
or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Realize This Assgrab is Delicious
This is why religion is always an issue in relationships, even if you're agnostic, or "don't care" about religion. You will have a fundamental conflict with someone if their religious belief is strong, and yours is not.
DOWN
Banned
Well this part governs my conversations, because I agree. I envy that kind of comfort, believing the end isn't really the end or that here on Earth isn't the last chance you'll see the people you're really going to miss. I never want to put doubt into somebody that takes that comfort away and would love to have it myself.
That said, such a cautious approach is very manageable in personal interactions, but becomes much less possible when the religious individual starts intertwining their beliefs with everyone's morals, legal fabric, education systems, liberties, etc. There's a lot of situations where belief systems shouldn't enter into play that religious people believe they should have influence over using their specific religious beliefs.
FunkyMunkey
Banned
this is all fine and dandy until it comes to raising children and what to teach them and then it becomes a very real issue that is definitely worth discussing and being confrontational about. or having someone tell you you have no morals, fuck that
Enter the Dragon Punch
Banned
...but even the op liked it
...Scatter...
Banned
Get another girl. This wont do you anything but cause heartache later. Easier to break now than 3 years in.
I've had to break up with a fiance over religion. Southern Baptists and non religious folk don't mix.
I've had to break up with a fiance over religion. Southern Baptists and non religious folk don't mix.
Admiral Woofington
Member
Without a first communion or confirmation no self respecting priest will allow you to get married if you consider yourself a Catholic.
By every Catholic law I'm still a Catholic. But I'm agnostic bordering on atheist. Even if they consider me Catholic, it wouldn't matter if there's a higher power as he would know what I feel.
Morrigan Stark
Arrogant Smirk
...But it does happen.
Not always, obviously. Probably even not most of the time. But I know plenty of people who were raised religious, sometimes very religious, and abandoned their religion, sometimes quite later in life, after having been exposed to counter-arguments and/or alternate points of views.
If they are practicing their faith quietly and privately, sure. If they're telling their SO they are a person without morals because they don't share their beliefs, and/or want to raise their kids (hypothetical or not) a certain way (among other things), then it's open season.
My final piece of advice on the topic:
If you don't sort things sooner than later, it will only end in divorce. If she remains committed to trying to change you and doesn't believe in religious freedom but you do.
It will only end in divorce.
Like I said in my previous post. Have a respectful adult conversation about it. It's best for your relationship to iron this out now and if you can't come to an understanding with her, it's best to end it now than get married, have kids and divorce later on.
Good luck with it.
If you don't sort things sooner than later, it will only end in divorce. If she remains committed to trying to change you and doesn't believe in religious freedom but you do.
It will only end in divorce.
Like I said in my previous post. Have a respectful adult conversation about it. It's best for your relationship to iron this out now and if you can't come to an understanding with her, it's best to end it now than get married, have kids and divorce later on.
Good luck with it.
If you made a thread mentioning religion at all and didn't expect a religion war then you are foolish, sir.
The reason it is important that OP stays firm on his views is because his GF seems to have the attitude that non-religious = has no say in religious decisions. This is more common than it should be. If you are not religious, sometimes religious people feel like their view defaults in place because you "don't care". You are kind of viewed as somebody who doesn't care one way or the other, so who cares if the religious choice is picked? You don't care, right? It doesn't matter to you right? It's not like you believe it, so who cares if it is done? That attitude shouldn't exist in a relationship, especially when it is about raising kids.
Team Alucard
Banned
Oh I went through confirmation. Was forced to as I went to a Catholic school and it was a required part of the curriculum in 7th grade.
User 100115
Banned
Oh yeah, I firmly believe in separation of church and state, and that is something to stand up for, and I do. But you can do that and not insult every religious person around at the same time, ya know?
Of course, which is why I told the OP they need to have a serious discussion. If their beliefs conflict that much, it's never going to work out. I wasn't talking about the OP's situation, just a random 'why can't I call people's religion bullshit' hypothetical
See above, sorry, that part of the discussion was off the topic of the thread >.<
Admiral Woofington
Member
I did it for my parents and family. And honestly it'll likely go to waste if a future fiancee has stronger religious beliefs as honestly I don't give a fuck.
What I've gathered from this thread is that Two Worlds is unfamiliar with the concept of being the bigger man.
He feels that if you think someone else is wrong you should tell them in the most condescending way possible. I'm sure he's a real hit at social events. And he's not allowed to take issue with what I'm saying because I'm simply stating the facts as I believe them to be true.
He feels that if you think someone else is wrong you should tell them in the most condescending way possible. I'm sure he's a real hit at social events. And he's not allowed to take issue with what I'm saying because I'm simply stating the facts as I believe them to be true.
Rushersauce
Banned
Well, I'll wait. I'll keep you updated. If it's over, it's over.
SneakyStephan
Banned
I can tell you're religious. Ask him about his fedora you're halfway there.
On topic: OP if she wants to raise your future kids as catholic and you don't want that then that's a very good reason to never have kids with her.
DOWN
Banned
Make it over. You can do better. This doesn't fit you and a conflicting mess where you're told you don't have morals is beneath anyone.
The funny thing is that you are doing exactly what you are claiming I do. You're trying to show me that I am wrong in the most condescending way possible.
The truth is, I have been saying the whole time that I do not think you should seek to make religious people feel bad. I don't look down on religious people or have any aim to put them down for being religious. I don't go around trying to talk to them about religion either. This whole topic was about his girlfriend confronting him with her religious views. He responded with a candid description of her religious views. That isn't being disrespectful and it isn't his fault if a candid description of her views makes the views sound nonsensical.
OP's original post made it sound like a random, insulting outbursts. His Subsequent posts have added context that explains how it got to that point. not sure he deserves all the fedora posts.
Still, this has highlighted a fundamental incompatibility between you two. The only way this relationship works is if one of you budges on deeply held beliefs, and there is no reason to expect that. Unfortunate, but better to know this now than years later with a kid stuck in the middle of the argument.
Still, this has highlighted a fundamental incompatibility between you two. The only way this relationship works is if one of you budges on deeply held beliefs, and there is no reason to expect that. Unfortunate, but better to know this now than years later with a kid stuck in the middle of the argument.
I'm glad that this wasn't lost on you.
Now think about how it would make you feel if someone you love was acting like this to you.
Rushersauce
Banned
It's not as easy as you make it seem. I'll talk to her, and see where this relationship goes.
DOWN
Banned
What did you get out of this thread then?
Rushersauce
Banned
To seek for advice. And I did, trust me, if I see that this thing is going nowhere (most likely so), I'll end it. But before I end things, I usually talk.
Morrigan Stark
Arrogant Smirk
Why did you ignore the rest of his post?
For many, calling it bullshit, superstition, or pseudoscience is already being disrespectful.
Can I be candid with you? It sounds like she already would like to end it but doesn't really have the courage to do so and is growing to resent you more and more and looking for reasons to fight.
Buddha Beam
Banned
Man you can't do that.
They could say the same thing, that it's their responsibility to save you for sin or some shit. You can't go around telling people that their deeply held religious beliefs are bullshit. They take comfort in it. Leave them to it, and let them have that comfort. It doesn't hurt you
I'm just too nice or some shit, I can't even imagine telling someone that their religion was bullshit.
No, you're absolutely right. It blows my mind how many people here on GAF can harbor such a disdain for religion. Or at least Christianity.
Like, for me, I've always been in this situation with my wife. She's very religious, I'm not. I know how important it is to her, so I'm never going to go all Reddit Atheist on her. I go to church with her on Sundays. The only time I complain is when they pastor starts doddering into hate speech.
It's just not worth throwing away a great relationship - be i with a boyfriend/girlfriend, parent, sibling, friend, whatever - over something like religion. Especially if you don't believe in it.
It's a pointless question because I wasn't doing what you claimed. Read what you didn't bold and reread my posts.
Because he continues to ignore the fact that OP has already acknowledged that he behaved in a way that was hurtful regardless of how she was acting. This isn't a religious issue. It's an issue of civility.
What if your significant other started saying that you are immoral because you do not believe in Christ? What if she thought only she was able-minded to choose how your kids would be brought up religiously? Is it still your duty to hide the nonsense?
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