And she's an international student who returned to *inaudible* last week yeah?
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On still being a virgin/virgin shaming.
- Thread starter M0nochromatic
- Start date
And she's an international student who returned to *inaudible* last week yeah?
One time my sisters friend came over and ditched school to hang out with me and laid up in my bed next to me and was throwing signs to make a move and I be a giant pussy couldnt do it.
I deserve to be a virgin, because Im an insecure idiot.i hate myself sometimes so much.
i think theres a difference between a "consciously asexual" person being virgin shamed and a "consciously sexual" person being virgin shamed - anecdotally, while my asexual friends may be bothered culturally by the burden of being expected/pressured to have sex, it doesnt seem to actually affect their internal gender identity when being "shamed" - this is anecdotal though, and clearly not scientific, so will not apply to everyone
meanwhile, it seems pretty clear its absurdly painful to be a virgin, and NOT want to be one, especially from adult men, but also adult women - there's enough people replying to this topic to see that
also as a person who lost their virginity to a rapist when they were 8, i understand sex requires consent and i am not advising anyone to have sex without consent in any way in any post i will ever make, or have ever made - i understand the effects of this first hand
Yoshimitsu126
Member
Im a virgin at 23 years old and only feel weird cause I know Im the odd one out with my peers especially because I never been in a relationship before either. But I still act normal to the biological sex Im interested in and kind to everyone else so whatever. And when people figure out I am, they only act surprised and dont really judge me.
But then again, Im in a Computer Science Major so maybe people only act a little surprised.
But then again, Im in a Computer Science Major so maybe people only act a little surprised.
Sometimes people just aren't ready. There's no point in forcing yourself to do something that you aren't ready for. Even if you are past the age that most people start having sex.
I remember not being ready in high school. I felt embarrassed for being a virgin starting around Grade 11 when most of my friends started to lose their virginity. But at the same time, I turned down several girls (or threw away their numbers in the case of a few random people). It wasn't something that I felt emotionally mature enough for at that point. I wasn't even attracted to girls until I was 14 or 15. To the point that I used to wonder if I was gay when I was in junior high (which is funny in retrospect, because I haven't been sexually attracted to men at any point in my life. Sort of an important requirement).
Things changed for me part way through college in my early 20s. 15 years later, it makes next to no real difference, other than maybe my lifetime partners. I met my now wife at 24, so there wasn't a huge window there between my first time and the relationship that I have been in for the past 11+ years.
Discopizza
Member
I know a guy that uses this as an insult and he's in his early 30s. He's the most immature and annoying person I've ever met. lol
Oops, quoted the wrong person.
How About No
Member
meh you're fine
Im really not though Im 26 and Im riddled with anxiety and shyness that are ruining whatever chances I have at sex 😩
JohnMatrix
Banned
Everyone's been there, don't sweat it
Eh, nothing to be ashamed of at all. Took me a long time due to a bunch of awkward stuff happening throughout my life. My very first gf and I got together one day and I had condoms ready to go. I got up to get them and they were gone, so we didn't have sex. Later I found out my mother seen the condoms and threw them away. She didn't like that girl and knew I wouldn't do shit without protection. Never questioned her tho because its odd as hell.
Earthbound64
Banned
"No one's going to understand, much less care, so I'm not even going to bother explaining."
Mr_Appleby
Member
I don't think I've used virgin as an insult since highschool. But....
I really came here to blame The Young Ones, good job.
I really came here to blame The Young Ones, good job.
Fulminator
Member
I had gynecomastia until about a year ago and then I had surgery to get it removed. Shot my confidence down so low, coupled with being overweight for most of my teenage years as well. Lost my virginity shortly after the surgery at age 21, and realized that I had been feeling like shit about being a virgin for nothing. Sex is fun and feels good for sure, but it's definitely not a life changing experience like it's hyped up to be. Or maybe it feels like that when you're a teenager and people who lose their virginity later just have a different mindset at that point.
What do you mean?
How About No
Member
I'm a 28yo virgin, also shy and anxious and have never been propositioned or propositioned myself but meh
It'll happen when it happens, contrary to any evidence
Chaos2Frozen
Member
Of course, step into a Dead or Alive thread. Or really any Anime game related threads in here.
Prodigal Son
Member
lmao what conventionally sexual situations do people not interested in sex find themselves in?
You can say the same exact thing about money. More so, in fact. But it seems not as much people stigmatize that
Hahaha, what? Read your post again.
Right, because I missed all those teenage high school movies where the jocks were ragging on kids for being impoverished and living in squalor.
Battle Litany
Banned
I used to care about this when I was in HS, but not so much anymore. Of the laundry list of things I hate about myself this barely even registers.
I am so disgusted by my own body and emotionally broken in general that even the idea of romance and intimacy makes me uncomfortable.
I am so disgusted by my own body and emotionally broken in general that even the idea of romance and intimacy makes me uncomfortable.
Wait, are you seriously saying there's no stigma against being poor?
That sounds lame tbh. Mocking each other without having to explicitly say that it's in jest is half the fun of being friends.
No, read my original post carefully. I said that it seems like there's less stigma attached to being poor than there is sex.
It is socially unacceptable to laugh at people with no money, even if you're filthy rich. When was the last time you heard about poor shaming? :| ...
Chaos2Frozen
Member
Erm, isn't that literally called a safe space?
Lemon Crest
Member
I'm sending all my positive juju towards you bro.
It'll happen when you're ready.
Some people don't want to have sex, some people don't like it, some can't manage to get it, others could but aren't interested in the partners available, etc. There are lots of reasons for being a virgin. And while I feel bad for the folks who want it but can't seem to line it up, that doesn't mean they're bad or terrible or should be mocked. It happens for different people at different times.
It's almost like we're not all the same person, and we don't all want the same things.
It's almost like we're not all the same person, and we don't all want the same things.
It's extremely shitty as far as insults go.
People are virgins for different reasons of course, but if we are talking about teenagers and young adults, there is such a thing as sexual maturity, which is different for different people, i.e. develops at different ages.
But alas, at the end of the day we're simply monkeys living in groups that fear nothing more than to be shunned, for being "other". So it's in a way inevitable as an insult unless it's being offset by education, manners, empathy. You know, general human decency.
People are virgins for different reasons of course, but if we are talking about teenagers and young adults, there is such a thing as sexual maturity, which is different for different people, i.e. develops at different ages.
But alas, at the end of the day we're simply monkeys living in groups that fear nothing more than to be shunned, for being "other". So it's in a way inevitable as an insult unless it's being offset by education, manners, empathy. You know, general human decency.
Also, just another thing to illustrate how dumb the logic of this post is:
Have you seen billionaires and the wives/lovers they have? Mark Zuckerberg, Warren Buffet, Bill Gates? ...With that type of money, they're in relationships with plain-looking women. You can find women who look similar on any street corner or suburb. They don't seem to be hosting prostitute parties, unless there's a secret Eyes Wide Shut-esque cult going on.
And on the other side of the coin, you have the known phenomenon of people with nothing having sex and having children in spades.
Rock And Roll
Member
I've been wondering why virgins and men with small genitals seem to be okay to openly mock in this age of increased awareness.
Typing this post as I partake in a monster orgy with my massive GAF dong.
Typing this post as I partake in a monster orgy with my massive GAF dong.
Because it is true?
There's nothing transformative about the mechanical act of sex, the vast majority of the human population has it and it can be reasonably deduced that it is nothing special.
Can always count on wise words from besada
JimmyRustler
Gold Member
I would agree with this sentiment.
And I hate this stupid stigma and what it does to people. Having sex for the first time had a quite a huge impact on me personally - but not because it was special or changed anything at all but because all this social and mental pressure finally fell off of me. Looking back it pisses me off that this pressure was even there.
I am convinced that many people get weird in some ways not because they don't have sex but because of all this imposed pressure on them
What I used to hate most was when people went like "oh, it's fine if you choose to" or something like that. I would never say that to someone who admits to me being a virgin. The only right thing to say is "So what? Who cares?" - because that's all there is to say.
This actually cover so many issues about sex, sexuality, misogyny, patriarchy, sexual shaming, you name it, it's there.
We live in such odd times, shame and virginity was always about women and always about patriarchy and being sure whatever kids you had were yours, that was the basic principle of it all. Sex is something so... inevitable, virginity was always precious for everyone. Now we live in societies that isolate us so much virginity is a thing, even puritanical societies would be shocked, every single group of humans previous to this century and most of the last one were more worried about preserving virginity as long as possible than avoiding it.
Just as anecdotal evidence, as an actual "wizard"
, sex only matters when you are not having it, the more you think is this huge milestone the more stressed you'll be. It's no milestone, it's just a regular, normal human experience, every single human was born from a sexual act, don't worry about it, if it happens it happens.
We live in such odd times, shame and virginity was always about women and always about patriarchy and being sure whatever kids you had were yours, that was the basic principle of it all. Sex is something so... inevitable, virginity was always precious for everyone. Now we live in societies that isolate us so much virginity is a thing, even puritanical societies would be shocked, every single group of humans previous to this century and most of the last one were more worried about preserving virginity as long as possible than avoiding it.
Just as anecdotal evidence, as an actual "wizard"
, sex only matters when you are not having it, the more you think is this huge milestone the more stressed you'll be. It's no milestone, it's just a regular, normal human experience, every single human was born from a sexual act, don't worry about it, if it happens it happens.TheCthultist
Member
"Don't do something horribly embarrassing." And it just kind of repeats every few seconds... So pretty much the same thing running through my head whenever I'm around one or more other people.
As someone who has seen self loathers before... your disbelief seems as preposterous to me as you seem think is it for people like that to exist. Probably more...
Right? Dude needs to read some Fanon.
I've never understood the insult myself. It's a wholly vain and superficial goal for adults to mock one another about.
Y'know, you'd think people would have more sympathy for virgins? I mean, everyone was a virgin at some point right?
As to the discussion of peoples difficulties with their virginity. I'm 23 and a virgin and while not by choice there are a number of factors of as to why I'm still a virgin. Having depression form a young age (since like middle school) on top of being overweight and nerdy didn't help much in my teen years. Trying to be intimate with someone only became more difficult as time went on as my mental health had only deteriorated more and more as time went on. Having full blown panic attacks over little things, wild mood swings, and I basically became a recluse for like four years after graduating high school. I barely if ever left the house. I've since gotten help and am doing much better but that's another story entirely. I was certainly not in the correct mental state to be any kind of meaningful relationship or to seek one out.
Something that's never really escaped me form my youth is that I can tell people always seem to have some kind of preconceived notion I'm creepy or something. Haven't the faintest clue why either. I got my first job about a year ago and I could tell most of the women in my department thought the same. I've since become good friends with several of them. Though there still are plenty of people who won't even look me in the eye when I talk to them. It's an odd hurdle I face and I honestly don't know how to combat it.
I also never tell anyone I'm a virgin. Only some of my closest friends know, and even then only a handful of them know.
I've personally looooong given up on losing my virginity. If it happens, it happens. But I doubt it ever will at this point.
Y'know, you'd think people would have more sympathy for virgins? I mean, everyone was a virgin at some point right?
As to the discussion of peoples difficulties with their virginity. I'm 23 and a virgin and while not by choice there are a number of factors of as to why I'm still a virgin. Having depression form a young age (since like middle school) on top of being overweight and nerdy didn't help much in my teen years. Trying to be intimate with someone only became more difficult as time went on as my mental health had only deteriorated more and more as time went on. Having full blown panic attacks over little things, wild mood swings, and I basically became a recluse for like four years after graduating high school. I barely if ever left the house. I've since gotten help and am doing much better but that's another story entirely. I was certainly not in the correct mental state to be any kind of meaningful relationship or to seek one out.
Something that's never really escaped me form my youth is that I can tell people always seem to have some kind of preconceived notion I'm creepy or something. Haven't the faintest clue why either. I got my first job about a year ago and I could tell most of the women in my department thought the same. I've since become good friends with several of them. Though there still are plenty of people who won't even look me in the eye when I talk to them. It's an odd hurdle I face and I honestly don't know how to combat it.
I also never tell anyone I'm a virgin. Only some of my closest friends know, and even then only a handful of them know.
I've personally looooong given up on losing my virginity. If it happens, it happens. But I doubt it ever will at this point.
Even though I'ed really like it too mostly to make all this hormone induced sexual frustration go away. That'd be real fucking nice...
Do me a favor and read not only Fanon like that other guy said, but also the simple and short novel The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
Some Nobody
Junior Member
Bruh if you don't get the f-...
Can I assume you're not American? Because Americans "poor shame" all the time. It's basically how our economy works. You need to hustle basically because it's not enough to be doing financially "decent" , you need to excel and do amazingly. Rap and pop music shame you for being poor. The internet is full of people mocking others for being a "broke bitch" . Calling someone broke is the ultimate comeback. Our obsession with being rich is because we don't want to be poor, because being poor is disgusting.
I mean, even in relation to this thread. Countless people would say you're not fit for a relationship if you're poor. "You bring nothing to the table" so you shouldn't even be thinking about a relationship with someone else.
And the way the Republican party treats poor people is with such disdain it's infuriating. So no, it seems perfectly socially acceptable to mock the poor.
MillionVolts
Member
I kinda doubt it'll ever happen for me. I'm way too shy and anxious (27 and never been in a relationship) and have never really had that much of a desire to anyway. I wouldn't quite call myself asexual, but my sex drive is probably low compared to most people (I've only watched porn a few times and didn't really enjoy it).
A part of me does dream that one day I'll find that special someone that I'll feel comfortable enough with to share everything, but no such luck so far... I guess we'll see.
A part of me does dream that one day I'll find that special someone that I'll feel comfortable enough with to share everything, but no such luck so far... I guess we'll see.
A couple of years ago, the CEO of a major video game company gave a talk at my grad program. He said (basically) verbatim, that part of his job is to change the perception that games are for losers and virgins.
Jzero
Member
Yes because a lot of people never grow out of that high school mentality
TissueBox
Member
GREAT video shedding light on how social norms and stigmas are made relative in the perpetual drive to display social superiority and competitive edge regardless of the cards in the deck. In the end, freedom hasn't been reached, only another kind of imbalance, in a different kind of dress.
(Though arguably I don't know if it was ever about freedom in that sense, anyway -- iyam the sexual revolution was veered in this direction from the start.)
It's funny to me how these two extremes now exist not in isolated cliques, but in a mostly conjoined society:
On one side, the massively repressed (e.g. erotophobes) feel and suffer intense shame at just the slightest sexual thought or fancy or kink.
On the other, the 'sexually liberated' feel and suffer intense shame at the slightest admission of inexperience, misinformation, or absence of either.
What it all comes down to, I leave to the cathartic power of a good 'ol Queen song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWdLt3Afjrg
(Though arguably I don't know if it was ever about freedom in that sense, anyway -- iyam the sexual revolution was veered in this direction from the start.)
It's funny to me how these two extremes now exist not in isolated cliques, but in a mostly conjoined society:
On one side, the massively repressed (e.g. erotophobes) feel and suffer intense shame at just the slightest sexual thought or fancy or kink.
On the other, the 'sexually liberated' feel and suffer intense shame at the slightest admission of inexperience, misinformation, or absence of either.
What it all comes down to, I leave to the cathartic power of a good 'ol Queen song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWdLt3Afjrg
As an asexual-leaning person, for me, being held by a partner, being able to touch them, snuggle with them, talk with them, be intimate with them, that's enough. That's what makes the sex even better -- and if you wanna get adventurous, let's get out the ball and chain. It's always been the bonus rather than the climax for me. I have enough fetishes to suffice. But I've always been weird like that, maybe in part because of my weird and guarded childhood, which has led to me having reservations towards people in classic misanthropic fashion. In any case I represent mostly myself and not any movement in particular, so regard this as the view of your everyday tissuebox!! ^^'
But I've always been weird like that, maybe in part because of my weird and guarded childhood, which has led to me having reservations towards people in classic misanthropic fashion. In any case I represent mostly myself and not any movement in particular, so regard this as the view of your everyday tissuebox!! ^^'