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Am I in the forever friend zone?
- Thread starter WaterAstro
- Start date
Completely disagree that this is some hard rule.
I've continued to be friends with girls who I knew liked me; it wasn't malicious, we were friends.. and adults. So be an adult and get over it, or don't be my friend.
This assumption is usually the other way around; "that female is using that male because she knows he likes her"... I find the assumption kind of.. sexist. Why is it a woman's fault that some dude is pining for her? Why is she supposed to not be friends with the person again?
Most attractive females attract almost every male who try's to befriend them.. so just, not have male friendships because males can't be adult about things?
Yes occasionally females maliciously continue a friendship with someone they don't even like as a friend, to use them for favors.. if a female "friend" only contacts you to do favors for them, they are probably being malicious and manipulating you. But if a female friend acts like... a friend.. and hangs out with you, parties with you, and does other normal "Friend" stuff.. calling that malicious smacks of male bitterness.
always crazy bacon
Banned
You have to ask? Your an embarrassment to other geeks. Unless this is a parody that's flying too close to the sun.
Messofanego
Banned
The dictionary definition of romance is when someone is sticking their tongue down the back of your throat and flicks your uvula.
ZackieChan
Member
More annoying is the fact that people rail against the existence of a friend zone when we've got ample evidence of its existence right in this thread. Y'all are like climate change deniers.
Jzero
Member
My god, you just fucked yourself
ryutaro's mama
Member
How? She told him no already.
benjipwns
Banned
First of all, why would you say something like that? Even if that wouldn't bother you, don't say it to her.
Secondly, obviously, you still want to be more than just good friends so just be straight with her and say that. The 'friendzone' isn't really a thing, and it's not in this case because you're hiding your feelings and intentions from her. She can't be honest with you unless you're honest with her.
Honestly, the fact that she said 'she doesn't want a relationship until she has a career' isn't really a good sign for you. That sounds like a cheap way of palming you off. Be honest with yourself, would you still be doing all these things for/with her if you didn't think you might eventually end up together? When you say you "like to dwell on the possibility that she wants to be with me when we get her career going", that's not really a good way to go about starting a relationship.
excelsiorlef
Member
Lol
QuantumZebra
Member
Lmao what
captainraincoat
Banned
Op what does she think about you banging or being intimate with another girl.....if she doesn't give a shit your in the freindzone buddy.....if u dont mind freinds stay around...otherwise move on
Miles Quaritch
Member
I don't think so and don't listen to the betas here. Keep doing what you're doing, keep being there for her, keep helping her, it might take a few years but her sex hormones will trigger and she will see you for the amazing person you are and she'll fall into your arms, you'll kiss, have passionate sex and live happily ever after.
The thing is, how much do you want it? It won't be easy, you'll need to sacrifice years and forego any other kind of romantic or sexual relationship to win her over, but it can be done.
The thing is, how much do you want it? It won't be easy, you'll need to sacrifice years and forego any other kind of romantic or sexual relationship to win her over, but it can be done.
katsubento
Member
BladeoftheImmortal
Member
Find someone else and make her jealous. 50% of the time it works every time.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Can you tell me the best way to trigger the sex hormones? That's probably where I've been failing with women.
MiguelMexMIstery
Member
Messofanego
Banned
I never knew a friendzone could ever get this low.
The friend zone isn't about the existence of non-romantic/sexual relationships because duh, of course they exist. It's the idea that there are tiers to a relationship and even if they aren't interested in dating, you just need to grind it out by pretending to be their friend to eventually level up to the next tier. That line of thinking is not healthy for anyone involved.
This. Lifehack: move on to somebody else---there's an infinite amount of other people to get romantically involved with.
Just like the female orgasm.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Always makes yourself available when she needs you, buy her random gifts, constantly compliment her, make her feel like she is the most special and beautiful person in the room, listen to everything she tells you about the guy she's banging and how much of how much of a dick he is, while also saying I'd never treat you like that so she holds your hands/rests her head on your shoulders.
When this happens, she'll see you for the nice guy you are, her sex hormones will start to explode throughout her body, her panties will moisten and you'll know she's ready when you see her erect nipples and her saying you're always there for me, why was I wasting my time with those other losers when I had you in front of me this whole time...
Like I said though, it takes years of dedication and celibacy.
JigglesBunny
Banned
If the friend zone is normally the size of Pluto, you're on Jupiter.
Ask her out and if she makes it clear that she only wants to be friends, take a hike and look for brighter pastures. I get the feeling this is very one-sided and you're only making yourself a target for heartbreak.
Ask her out and if she makes it clear that she only wants to be friends, take a hike and look for brighter pastures. I get the feeling this is very one-sided and you're only making yourself a target for heartbreak.
Miles Quaritch
Member
She said no, OP made the mistake of thinking if he stuck around and was a 'nice guy' to her that he could work his way into a romantic relationship.
She sees him as a friend and she's treating him like one, she sees everything that he's done as a friend helping her, the OP doesn't need to shatter the friendship they have because he can't get over his feelings. What he should do is distance himself from her, sp he can get over his feelings but maintain the friendship and start dating other women.
Be happy he found a close friend (friends are rare, relationships are plentiful if you're willing to take chance) and move on with the next part of his life.
There's a difference between unrequited love and "the friend zone".
Reptars Revenge
Member
Fn Flat zoners
Miles Quaritch
Member
And the OP is the first one and tried to use the latter to work his way into her affections.
This railing against the friend zone is weird. If you've been rejected but are happy to be just friends and have moved on to date other people, great, you're one of the few people who went from the potential relationship material to a friend, but don't pretend there aren't a lot of people who use being friends as something to try and wear the person down through nice deeds.
excelsiorlef
Member
But that's not friend zone.
Friend zone that we are saying isn't real is the idea that being a friend instead of romantic partner is something that is done to and something undesirable and bad. That mentality was what breeds the behaviours you mention but that's not what people are talking about when we say the friend zone doesn't exist.
Neverforget
Member
She turned you down already, get a hint and move on.
I'm sure you will find someone else who will be as interested in you as you are in her.
I'm sure you will find someone else who will be as interested in you as you are in her.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Why are you and other trying to rewrite the definition of friend zone?
Everyone knows what's implied when you say friend zone, even the OP. What you're doing is talking about being friends, there's literally no reason to bring the friend zone into that conversation.
WeirdoStalkerJr
Member
Just be friends with her, having a good female friend is awesome. If it hurts that much, just jack off before hanging out with her or ask her to hook you up with one of her friends.
Kadayi
Banned
You need to move on. You're probably thinking, 'but we've spent all this time together and giving up now would be a mistake', but that's a case of emotional sunk cost bias
https://litemind.com/sunk-cost-bias/
You're clearly interested in a full relationship and she isn't, so investing more of your leisure time in her isn't getting you any closer to realising that when instead you could be spending that time finding someone else who is. Time is our most precious resource because we can never get it back, so don't throw more of it away on a lost cause.
I wouldn't necessarily cut this person out of your life completely, but you need to dramatically reduce the amount of time you spend with them, and definitely, stop with the hand holding, etc. From her perspective, it's a huge ego boost to have an avid admirer, but if she's not interested, then it's a toxic relationship. Cut engagement down to work place/lunchtime engagements only. No evenings, no weekends.
My suggestion would be If you've not already, sign yourself up to a gym and start working out/getting yourself in shape. It's a good way to feel better about yourself and occupy your leisure time.Start going on some proper dates with people. Sure you might have a lot of crappy dates, but the one thing you know is that the person sat opposite you is at least looking for the same thing. Eventually, you will find someone who you click with.
https://litemind.com/sunk-cost-bias/
You're clearly interested in a full relationship and she isn't, so investing more of your leisure time in her isn't getting you any closer to realising that when instead you could be spending that time finding someone else who is. Time is our most precious resource because we can never get it back, so don't throw more of it away on a lost cause.
I wouldn't necessarily cut this person out of your life completely, but you need to dramatically reduce the amount of time you spend with them, and definitely, stop with the hand holding, etc. From her perspective, it's a huge ego boost to have an avid admirer, but if she's not interested, then it's a toxic relationship. Cut engagement down to work place/lunchtime engagements only. No evenings, no weekends.
My suggestion would be If you've not already, sign yourself up to a gym and start working out/getting yourself in shape. It's a good way to feel better about yourself and occupy your leisure time.Start going on some proper dates with people. Sure you might have a lot of crappy dates, but the one thing you know is that the person sat opposite you is at least looking for the same thing. Eventually, you will find someone who you click with.
benjipwns
Banned
Thanks for the link, I didn't pay attention at all to the video but in the related response videos was one called "Debunking "White Privilege Explained in Five Minutes"" that was very informative and will help me in expressing my now extensive opinions very strongly on any controversial topic the instant it is brought up. (On the internet anyway.)
Unless CNN threatens to expose me.
I agree Miles. Until this thread I just thought friend zone was basically just a way of describing unrequited love, but now apparently its an MRA "I deserve this because I'm nice" thing. So now either we have to find a new term for the entitlement nice guy stuff, or we have to find a new term for being in love with someone who sees you as a friend. It's all so confusing.
longdi
Banned
Perhaps im more of a gen x nerd.
Seems like the friendzone/romance term is something the avocado millennials came up with.
Is there a possibility to bang each other when the urge arises but no need to be all lovey and sticky together? Both just needs to be attractive physically.
Likewise, is it ok to have a good time together without going into regular banging? Maybe just on rare occasion, like on a high?
/ 32 yo virgin nerd question :|
benjipwns
Banned
How about "unrequited love"?
always crazy bacon
Banned
I'm gen X too. Take this to dating age OT if your serious.
I'm sure a thousand other people have already pointed this out, but you already have your answer. You've already been rejected.
Happens to the best of us. Move on
edit: hahaha the last few pages
Glass Rebel
Member
Seriously. The friendzone is a fairly new concept.
Ivellios
Member
I agree with what you said, but what if on some cases, being just friends with someone they truly like is just so painful? Is it truly healthy to keep this friendship?
Messofanego
Banned
Well I guess maybe we'll disagree. It's not black and white, it's all very circumstantial.
Crossing Eden
Hello, my name is Yves Guillemot, Vivendi S.A.'s Employee of the Month!
Pages 8,9 and 10 are brutal LMFAO. But seriously the friend zone doesn't exist and she doesn't owe you shit for helping her out OP.
benjipwns
Banned
I won't change my mind, because I don't have to. Because I'm an American. I won't change my mind on anything, regardless of the facts that are set out before me. I'm dug in, and I'll never change.
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
Being in the friend zone is great! Friends are great!
The problem is asymmetric intentions. Or rather your lack of social awareness as to the hundreds of clues left for you that indicate that she is not interested in you romantically.
The problem is asymmetric intentions. Or rather your lack of social awareness as to the hundreds of clues left for you that indicate that she is not interested in you romantically.
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