Rushersauce
Banned
I'll talk to her anyways, not to convince her, but to apologise and see what's up.
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I told my girlfriend she had an imaginary friend..
- Thread starter Rushersauce
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I'll talk to her anyways, not to convince her, but to apologise and see what's up.
I don't think the OP is some unquestionable entity. I'm sure the OP doesn't think that either. So I am perfectly free to think the OP wasn't in the wrong even if he thinks he is. And none of that has to do with anything since you were making comments on what I said, not what the OP said. And I've made it clear that what you said is an inaccurate description of what I said or think.
User 100115
Banned
Apologize for being disrespectful, but also remember that it's insulting to be called amoral simple because you aren't religious, and remind her of that. When I mentioned a serious conversation, I don't mean you just apologizing and giving in to what she wants. You both need to discuss what you see as your future, what's most important, and what you both need from this. If those things don't/can't align, then it's not going to work out.
Rushersauce
Banned
X
Xpike
Unconfirmed Member
fixed for you OP
IdreamofHIME
Member
What a dickish thing to do.
Rushersauce
Banned
Oh, you're the one that attacked my grammar mistake in a thread I made about the DEATH of my grandma.
DOWN
Banned
Buddha Beam
Banned
Yeah, it is. I'm going to take a page out of the Bible and every other religious tome and turn the other cheek. I'm not going to blow up at her. I'm not going to insult her and try to hurt her back. I'm going to try and calm her down, give her breathing space, etc. I'm certainly not going to blow up at her and start telling her, even kindly, that her beliefs are bullshit and it's time she grew up.
It's really not hard. Almost every single thing in life people get so worked up over usually isn't actually worth getting upset about in the first place. Just don't let it bother you, and be happy. I live by the rule and it's served me well for a while now.
I didn't ask you if it is your responsibility to do any of those things. I only asked is it still your responsibility to hide the nonsense of her views that are clearly impacting your relationship. Is it still off the table to make any indication that there exists elements of her religious views that are nonsense and those nonsensical views are impeding your relationship with her.
Also, it should bother you very much if your significant other thinks you are immoral for not having her beliefs and that you are unfit to make decisions about raising your kids.
Buddha Beam
Banned
The problem is your tone. You keep asserting that someone with religious views are nonsense. If you can't understand the problem with that, then we literally can't get out of port with this discussion. It's very simple – you don't disrespect another person's views. Ever. That's just the ol', "don't be a dick" rule.
I honestly can't give you any other answer because what you're saying runs so completely contrary to my personal philosophy. I would simply never let it get to that point.
I'm not asserting that the view is nonsense. I'll tell you that I think it is nonsense and I'll gladly give you reasons why I think so if you wanted to hear it. You are saying to be passive, but the other person is aggressively putting forth their views. The fact is, a non-religious person is going to think a religious view is nonsense. Maybe you are attributing connotations to that word that I am not. I simply use it to mean "does not make sense". So there is no need to avoid the question put forth because it doesn't require any tone of rudeness or anything like that.
But why is it considered disrespectful to point out what you think is nonsense? Why is saying "I think x view does not make sense because of y reason" disrespectful when somebody has put forth that belief to you and wishes to force changes on you due to those beliefs?
Honestly the two of you don't sound right for each other. Your fundamental beliefs just don't align. Also it sort of seems like you're backtracking on your non-belief as well. That's fine. But you really need to figure out whether you love her more than those principles you believe in. If you neither can compromise then the relationship has reached its conclusion.
BladeoftheImmortal
Member
Fixed
Disagreement in religious beliefs can easily be a deal breaker in a relationship. It's not your fault or hers, but just the way it is. I couldn't imagine a future with someone who's intensely religious and it sounds like you might not be able to either, even though you might care deeply for her.
So let me get this right :
- OP's Girlfriend is a religious control freak who wants her family to be religious (or else they're amoral, right?)
- OP somehow convinced himself that his GF's crazyness is his own fault, probably got fed up with beeing called smear words by his SO and lashed out at what she holds most dear, GOD. Result? He's playing the doormat taking all the blame and more or less absolving her of all faults.
Did I miss something?
- OP's Girlfriend is a religious control freak who wants her family to be religious (or else they're amoral, right?)
- OP somehow convinced himself that his GF's crazyness is his own fault, probably got fed up with beeing called smear words by his SO and lashed out at what she holds most dear, GOD. Result? He's playing the doormat taking all the blame and more or less absolving her of all faults.
Did I miss something?
Morrigan Stark
Arrogant Smirk
Oh please.
No, it's not "don't be a dick", it's, "be a doormat and protect the sensibilities of everyone ever".
Sounds about right.
His lashing out was basically giving a candid description of what her views are.
Oh I agree
Also I find it kind of funny that you're trying to talk sense about religion to someone who'se handle is Buddah
Rushersauce
Banned
She is at fault 100%, TOO. What I'm saying is that I was a dick. Could have handled it better.
WickedLaharl
Member
That's really fucked up but not surprising.
Buddha Beam
Banned
Because when you tell someone that something they hold dearly about themselves is wrong, or nonsense, or otherwise dismiss it, you're attacking who they are. You aren't attacking a thing they believe, even if you think you are. You're attacking something at their core.
It's honestly not any different than telling, say, a black person they're wrong about some race-related challenge that they live with every day. You can cite all the reputable and contrary sources that you want. It won't matter because what they live and experience every single day of their lives tells another story.
Of course there is nothing wrong with disagreeing and stating why. It would be disingenuous of you to do otherwise.
Okay, sure. There exist ways that you could have handled it that would be arguably better than how you did. Fair enough. But with that said, you didn't handle it that badly. It takes somebody to ignore human emotions to expect them to handle something the best way possible when they are being told that they are immoral and incapable of making proper decisions for their kids.
You weren't a dick
You were human. You can always handle stuff better but you didn't "lash out" for nothing, there was a buildup for it.
For instance, she seems fixated on what you'Re not doing (enough) for her, what does she do for you? How can you accept someone in your life who tells you that you're "amoral" because you don't share her exact beliefs? To you want someone to control you or do you want someone to be your equal in a relationship?
Make up your mind and go the right way.
This is tantamount to saying that religious people must be handled with kid gloves because anything else is too harsh for them to handle. I see no reason why I cannot carry the same expectation for a religious person to handle discourse over somebody else.
Yup. It rubs me the wrong way that people are so quick to jump on the OP with those fedora/"you should respect her beliefs"-type comments but turn a blind eye on the fact she doesn't respect the OP's lack of belief.
I often feel like to a lot people (on GAF mainly, don't see much of that IRL) the onus is on the atheist to respect other people's religion. Respect should be a two-way street if it's not mutual something is wrong.
User 100115
Banned
Before he edited, the OP just stated he mouthed off about her religious beliefs and that she wants to break up him. Hence the fedora comments. He later clarified and edited the op.
Buddha Beam
Banned
When you're in an otherwise great relationship with them, yeah. Absolutely. Handle them with kid gloves if need be. It ain't worth chucking something like that away over religion is my point.
Otherwise, if you want to argue with religious people who are open to discussing their faith with you? Go right ahead. Just don't be a dick about it.
Okay, that would explain the first few pages of the thread then. But at the same time the comments haven't stopped but I guess it could be a typical case of people reading the title and clicking "reply" straight away without reading anything else.
Rushersauce
Banned
Some think that it was a "desperate edit" and deemed it cringe worthy. And, the edits are just post OP comments that I made.
How can you define being told by your SO that you are immoral for not sharing their faith and are unfit to make important religious raising new decisions for your kids as an otherwise great relationship. This is an impasse that should not be handled with kid gloves.
Morrigan Stark
Arrogant Smirk
Being handled with kids gloves sounds more disrespectful than being argued with, honestly...
Lionel Mandrake
Member
I don't want to complicate things further, OP; but I'm like 90% sure at the moment that I am God.
Rushersauce
Banned
You're not Morgan Freeman, lier.
User 100115
Banned
Cure my autoimmune disease already, dude, I'm like, super nice to everyone.
Lionel Mandrake
Member
You're making me question my belief in the fact that I am God.
Better off without her.
Sounds like she can't respect that there are different belief systems out there. Which is typical of someone very... I'd say devout, but it's really more zealous and evangelical.
And I suspect for many that zealousness comes out of their own discomfort at the nonsensical ideas and teachings of their religion - and that if they show extra fervour, that it might better ingratiate themselves with their sky friend.
As an atheist with religious friends, we don't debate each other on the matter - I simply tell them that they should only engage with me on the topic if they're willing to give up on religion.
Not because I believe I can necessarily convince them of it - but because it's pointless arguing with people motivated to hold onto their own beliefs irrespective of whatever arguments you can present them.
Sounds like she can't respect that there are different belief systems out there. Which is typical of someone very... I'd say devout, but it's really more zealous and evangelical.
And I suspect for many that zealousness comes out of their own discomfort at the nonsensical ideas and teachings of their religion - and that if they show extra fervour, that it might better ingratiate themselves with their sky friend.
As an atheist with religious friends, we don't debate each other on the matter - I simply tell them that they should only engage with me on the topic if they're willing to give up on religion.
Not because I believe I can necessarily convince them of it - but because it's pointless arguing with people motivated to hold onto their own beliefs irrespective of whatever arguments you can present them.
Did you put in the proper paper work?
GringoSuave89
Banned
That's the big thing, to me. Clearly you're uncomfortable about her raising the (hypothetical) kids to be religious instead of choosing that path for themselves. If you didn't discover this now, you would when it's too late to do anything about it, or at least anything that wouldn't beak a family.
You guys are on different frequencies. Salvage the relationship if you want, but I cannot see the two of you settling down and living any kind of healthy life.
Milly Osworth
Member
She is brainwashed, probably by her parents. With the whole religion thing. Acting like a jerk about it is a bad idea. I couldn't live with someone like that though.
Monocle
Member
Seems like an extremely clear case of irreconcilable differences. If you argue over this stuff now, just imagine what it would be like if you actually had kids. No really, imagine it. Think about how cruel it would be to raise a family with someone you're constantly fighting with. Does decades of bitter arguments, and/or a nasty breakup that's hard on the whole family, sound good to you?
Go make a family with someone who shares your fundamental beliefs so you won't ruin your kids' lives.
Go make a family with someone who shares your fundamental beliefs so you won't ruin your kids' lives.
Lionel Mandrake
Member
I reveal myself as God, and nobody cares. Unbelievable.
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