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Mother Goose knocks on police car, seeks help to untangle her duckling from a string
- Thread starter RustyNails
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Yeah, but did you hear what Azealia Banks had to say about the goose?
Yeah, I know. I said that in my post. Thanks though
Hahah I knew someone would take this angle. "Randomly" hurting another animal? Really, that's what you call it? So, if im taking a stroll and some animal (i dont care what the fuck it is) starts to relentlessly attack my legs and ass, I'm just supposed to stand there/run and say "NAH IT'S OK IT'S JUST NATURE BREH, IM SUPPOSED TO LET IT KICK MY ASS!"
No way. I'm giving that thing a good fuckin' boot to teach it a lesson. Don't attack random people you idiot.
Kick it with the other one. Defend yourself fool
cr0w
Old Member
There is a primal fear that takes over when you're getting attacked by a wild animal that just doesn't give a fuck. Unless you've been in that situation you just don't understand how terrifying it is.
I give geese as wide a berth as possible. The only other animal I stay away from as vigilantly are squirrels. Fuck. Squirrels.
I give geese as wide a berth as possible. The only other animal I stay away from as vigilantly are squirrels. Fuck. Squirrels.
The reason why no one wants to fight a goose is because they don't let you win with half measures. You fight a goose for a second and you realize that you won't win until the goose is dead. You guys ready to throw down with a goose to the death? Motherfucker I'll just cross the street, or exit from the back, I ain't about to get covered in goose blood today
PeskyToaster
Member
I can't stop laughing at work. You chucked a wild goose at someone. looool
You either win or you die and you gotta commit. If you ain't ready to take a life before your morning coffee at work then you ain't a goose fighter.
psynergylover
Member
A goose legit attacked me a few weeks ago as I was going from my car to my work.
When I went inside, IT WAITED FOR MY ASS TO COME BACK OUT
LOL!!!! Geese be on some serious business
Hitchcock was right!!! just used the wrong bird!!!
Im sorry a 20lb bird kicked your butt.
PeskyToaster
Member
So you threw closed fist punches at it? Kicked as hard as you can? Grab its weak neck?
This is why my employer pays a company to keep the fucks away from the campus.
vainglorious
Member
A goose legit attacked me a few weeks ago as I was going from my car to my work.
When I went inside, IT WAITED FOR MY ASS TO COME BACK OUT
lol
Has anyone seen this video of an NPR reporter being attacked by a wild turkey? Even a postal man tries to intervene it's amazing. And then it stalks her outside her car for several minutes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ItKrnhvALc4
So good.
RustyNails
Member
dude FUCK that goose, that fuckin goose, yes that EXACT one chased me to my goddamn car, tried to bite me
i took some video in 2012. https://giant.gfycat.com/DisgustingRegalAntipodesgreenparakeet.webm
protected species and all that, if i kicked it, i'd get a huge fine/go to jail
Snkfanatic
Banned
Woah, dude's in the handicap spot and doesn't give a fuck.
Can I just say this is the single best quote in the thread? Maybe in all of NeoGAF today.
Ha hah ha ha.
Trained in hand to feather/wing combat. You brought a knife to a beak fight.
spookyfish
Member
A goose legit attacked me a few weeks ago as I was going from my car to my work.
When I went inside, IT WAITED FOR MY ASS TO COME BACK OUT
OMG. I'm trying not to laugh so hard at work. This picture has set me off, for some reason. How funny!
Pretty much. That momma goose was actually protecting her nest. To the right side of the door, outside, was her nest and while it was in a shitty place for the poor folks who worked in that building, it was a good spot to nest up
A goose legit attacked me a few weeks ago as I was going from my car to my work.
When I went inside, IT WAITED FOR MY ASS TO COME BACK OUT
All these people talking about fighting geese have no idea. None at all.
You see, you fight with a goose once, and only once. Bastard hisses at you and all it takes is a few more steps before it takes off for your face in a violent rage. You reach out to grab it but it's pretty damn fast and nips you on the hands a few times, giving you nice red angry looking welts. You quickly realize this isn't something to be solved with half measures so you pick up steam and start going at it with real effort. After dodging a few times and losing some chunks of your pants to it's oddly sharp beak you manage to grab the demonically hissing rage-bird by the neck and realize, damn, I don't REALLY wanna kill this thing, so you chuck it with a bit of force towards the nearest stream and step back.
Thing is, while you're done with the goose it's not done with you. Next thing you know the shitty thing is riding your head like a wooden rocking horse taking potshots at your ears and face yet SOMEHOW avoiding your hands with it's advantage of flight. This is where you either kill the thing or just run for it like a little girl, because now you realize that this thing is more willing to die than it is to stop making you have a horrible day.
However you escape though, as you stand there panting, hair disheveled, covered in red welts and missing chunks of clothing, discovering the crowd that gathered behind you as you flailed pathetically against the bird all silently (or not so silently) laughing, you'll then realize the truth:
Just don't fuck with geese. You can "win", but you'll never win.
You see, you fight with a goose once, and only once. Bastard hisses at you and all it takes is a few more steps before it takes off for your face in a violent rage. You reach out to grab it but it's pretty damn fast and nips you on the hands a few times, giving you nice red angry looking welts. You quickly realize this isn't something to be solved with half measures so you pick up steam and start going at it with real effort. After dodging a few times and losing some chunks of your pants to it's oddly sharp beak you manage to grab the demonically hissing rage-bird by the neck and realize, damn, I don't REALLY wanna kill this thing, so you chuck it with a bit of force towards the nearest stream and step back.
Thing is, while you're done with the goose it's not done with you. Next thing you know the shitty thing is riding your head like a wooden rocking horse taking potshots at your ears and face yet SOMEHOW avoiding your hands with it's advantage of flight. This is where you either kill the thing or just run for it like a little girl, because now you realize that this thing is more willing to die than it is to stop making you have a horrible day.
However you escape though, as you stand there panting, hair disheveled, covered in red welts and missing chunks of clothing, discovering the crowd that gathered behind you as you flailed pathetically against the bird all silently (or not so silently) laughing, you'll then realize the truth:
Just don't fuck with geese. You can "win", but you'll never win.
I'm fucking dying here.
Geese are miserable bastard. My dad used to have a flock at his ranch. They did not give a fuck how big you were, you never cross their flock. Even the horses stayed away from them.
And if you win you'll most likely be fined/jailed if there was an audience to see what you did.
PeskyToaster
Member
that dude that always carries a sword with him would make short work of any goose.
Vegetable Lasagna
Member
Geese are legit terrifying. That cop should get some kind of bravery medal.
vainglorious
Member
Native birds to North America are protected under federal and state laws.
Dawwwwww
But Geese, Ducks and Swans will fuck you up if you fuck them up.
lmao
Steeped in a Sea of Games
Member
Oh god. Funniest thing I've read in awhile. Totally sounds like someone speaking from experience. Thank you.
If a goose attacked me i would definitely not fight back, cause i love animals.
Just dont tell me a goose can kick my butt, cause it cant.
DeathoftheEndless
Crashing this plane... with no survivors!
Steeped in a Sea of Games
Member
Gorilla knows what's up.
SuperStiltzkin
Member
Haha I love how he picks up the goose by the neck and you can see it in first person like he's picking up a Korean in Crysis.
PeskyToaster
Member
I think if you shoot it with a blunderbuss mid attack you can just reach in and rip its heart out.
i have not tried the attack from behind tho
i have not tried the attack from behind tho
Bare Grills
Member
I'd pay to see a gaffer take on a goose
A goose legit attacked me a few weeks ago as I was going from my car to my work.
When I went inside, IT WAITED FOR MY ASS TO COME BACK OUT
You now suffer from this
I like how this thread has gone full circle from people laughing at how ducks are scaring GAF's dudes with 12 inch wangs who can bone for 10 hours straight, to respecting geese as aggressive motherfuckers, all the way back around to people acting like tough guys about fighting geese.
Next step we declare them a threat and suggest their complete annihilation.
vainglorious
Member
Possible Nuke areas?
If it's only in Canada for the summer and is in the US year round... why is it called the Canada Goose.
Grizzlyjin
Supersonic, idiotic, disconnecting, not respecting, who would really ever wanna go and top that
My campus has a lake in the center of it, so we have over a hundred of these bastards. Some of the sidewalks going towards the student center are unwalkable because of poop and the fact that they'll attack people. It's not so bad during heavy traffic times like when everyone is going between class, but if you walk alone between classes you might run into a gang of geese and have to swerve out of their way.
I live next door to a big group of ducks too. They're actually pretty nice, but they've grown accustomed to running the town. They walk in the dead center of the street and don't care about oncoming cars.
I live next door to a big group of ducks too. They're actually pretty nice, but they've grown accustomed to running the town. They walk in the dead center of the street and don't care about oncoming cars.
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