'Cos nobody would fuck with America Goose.
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Mother Goose knocks on police car, seeks help to untangle her duckling from a string
- Thread starter RustyNails
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Nathan_Drake
Member
I mean they did evolve from Dinosaurs. No need to be ashamed of the primal fear. Fuck birds in general.
Chainsawkitten
Member
Baron Doggystyle von Woof
Member
Fucking Goose man.
I once witnessed a kid being chased by a goose. The mother kicked the goose and stood between them. Which resulted in her running this time.
I once witnessed a kid being chased by a goose. The mother kicked the goose and stood between them. Which resulted in her running this time.
foxuzamaki
Doesn't read OPs, especially not his own
Yo, this entire post is great
Not sure why you tried to turn this particular thread into a dick measuring contest, but your posts have been really strange. You've repeatedly boasted that you'd kick a goose's ass, but are now saying you'd not do so because you don't want to hurt them. Shockingly enough, the reason people are running from geese in these stories is also in part because they don't want to kill or hurt animals, in addition to self preservation. A goose can indeed injure an adult human, and most people have some common sense when it comes to aggressive animals.
So...congratulations on being larger than a goose but also not wanting to hurt them, just like most other humans.
RustyNails
Member
I know. It's tag worthy!
MHWilliams
Member
Geese are not to be trifled with. We have them outside of my office every year, roving bands of ruffians wandering around the building. I would sometimes wait for them to pass before heading to my car.
Ernie knew what was up.
Right? Geese can mess you up and no one wants to kill a goose. It's best to just go your separate ways.
PeskyToaster
Member
I have a couple times. They was always a flock on my campus and idiots would feed them. One came at me a couple time. First time I kicked the crap out it and the other time flew at me and kept attacking until I got it by the neck and slammed it into a tree.
They only hissed at me after that.
I made this sign at work a few months ago. This idiot decided to lay its eggs right by the main entrance to our building and would attack you if you got within 15 feet of it.
I don't think that sign is nearly large enough. Need to make it cover the entire door.
DeathoftheEndless
Crashing this plane... with no survivors!
FTFY
Dead Prince
Banned
A goose legit attacked me a few weeks ago as I was going from my car to my work.
When I went inside, IT WAITED FOR MY ASS TO COME BACK OUT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8S8RLTMShik
not the same place but lol
"George! Will you please just come home already? They've learned their lesson!"
"NO MARTHA I WILL NOT UNTIL THEY OPEN THIS DOOR AND A RIP THEIR FACES OFF! HOW DARE THEY THINK THEY CAN WALK IN FRONT OF US!"
"George! It was once! Don't make me pull EVERY feather out of your chest area! Come on!"
"Martha, GET OFF ME! They will open this door and I will decimate them!"
cr0w
Old Member
The thing about "fighting" geese, or any other animal really, is that it's not really fighting in that you're both trying to settle a reasonable beef.
In that goose's mind, one of you is already dead. It's going to do its best to make sure it's you.
It's not like there's any fighting style developed specifically for fighting a goose (insert Fatal Fury joke here). You are quite literally fighting a particularly ill-tempered buzzsaw that can fly and disorient you with its 6-foot wingspan. It is the Jason fucking Voorhees of the animal world.
In that goose's mind, one of you is already dead. It's going to do its best to make sure it's you.
It's not like there's any fighting style developed specifically for fighting a goose (insert Fatal Fury joke here). You are quite literally fighting a particularly ill-tempered buzzsaw that can fly and disorient you with its 6-foot wingspan. It is the Jason fucking Voorhees of the animal world.
This one goose walked out into the street and I was going too fast to stop in time. I tried to slow down but it flew up and smacked right into the windshield.
Geese may be mean but they aren't always smart.
The same could be said about pretty much any animal, including humans.
Tatsumaki Senpuukyaku!
Member
Are we posting goose attack videos because this shit is hilarious:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlEfjWxmll0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlEfjWxmll0
evil solrac v3.0
Member
too much negativity in this thread. a good deed is done and all the comments is about how you guys got wrecked by a goose. take your L and be glad for the kind cop who helped, geez.
cr0w
Old Member
Don't know if this one has been posted, but it's one of my favorites. The sound effects make it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cV4FCwtTEo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cV4FCwtTEo
I thought for sure the goose behind him was going to ambush him.
this doesnt get enough love, im in tears.
Incredible.
Octavianus
Banned
I used to be deadly afraid of geese because I got attacked by one when I was a kid. That beast just ran up to me and started biting me when I was playing outside not far from home.
Dr.Guru of Peru
played the long game
Geese are vicious. Back when I was in university, we had a field shut down because of a crazy goose that was attacking anyone who walked on it.
Violence Jack
Member
This thread has had me crying for like 20 minutes straight.
We had geese and swans that used to walk across the road to my office where there is a small lake that they gathered at. One day, someone made the mistake of deciding to have lunch at that same lake. Those fuckers liked to chill in the tall grass surrounding the lake, and he didn't notice them until it was too late. They ambushed his ass and furiously tore into him within 10 seconds of sitting down. After a few moments of flailing and getting bit from all angles, he sprinted back to the office, and at least 3 of them waited outside of the front doors for him to come back.
On that day, I learned to stay the fuck away from geese and swans. They don't give a shit if you're a man, woman, child, cat, dog, etc.
We had geese and swans that used to walk across the road to my office where there is a small lake that they gathered at. One day, someone made the mistake of deciding to have lunch at that same lake. Those fuckers liked to chill in the tall grass surrounding the lake, and he didn't notice them until it was too late. They ambushed his ass and furiously tore into him within 10 seconds of sitting down. After a few moments of flailing and getting bit from all angles, he sprinted back to the office, and at least 3 of them waited outside of the front doors for him to come back.
On that day, I learned to stay the fuck away from geese and swans. They don't give a shit if you're a man, woman, child, cat, dog, etc.
Audioboxer
Member
A goose legit attacked me a few weeks ago as I was going from my car to my work.
When I went inside, IT WAITED FOR MY ASS TO COME BACK OUT
LOL. Chuckled at this story.
What a beautiful goose though, albeit with anger management problems.
User 479360
Banned
That's heartwarming.
There are more Bald Eagles in Canada than the US, but you guys have plastered its face everywhere lol. Same thing.
A goose legit attacked me a few weeks ago as I was going from my car to my work.
When I went inside, IT WAITED FOR MY ASS TO COME BACK OUT
Omg I can't stop laughing......he fucking sizing you up.
One of my first jobs was grass cutting at a resort and they fucking hissed and chased you if you got near them. They are not to be messed with.
Shao Kahn Brewing a Stew
Banned
I've never fought a goose, and I have no desire to. I know how vicious they are.
And lol at the Internet badasses who would whoop a goose.
You get your first look at that six foot goose as he enters a clearing. He moves like a bird, lightly, bobbing his head. You keep still, because you think his vision is based on movement, like a dumb pigeon, and he'll lose you if you don't move. But no, not a goose. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the sides. From the other two geese you didn't even know we're there. Geese are pack Hunter's, you see, he used coordinated attack patterns, and he is out in force today. He slashes at you with his beak, a six inch gaping maw, sharp as razors, jutting out from the middle of his sleek head. He doesn't bother to bite your jugular like a lion, say...no, no. He slashes at you in the chest, or your face, or maybe across the belly, spilling your intestines. Point is, you are alive when thy start to eat you. So, you know, try to show a little respect.
Edit: I actually did mean to comment on the story. It's super fascinating that the goose knew that a human could help it. Fucking fascinating.
And lol at the Internet badasses who would whoop a goose.
You get your first look at that six foot goose as he enters a clearing. He moves like a bird, lightly, bobbing his head. You keep still, because you think his vision is based on movement, like a dumb pigeon, and he'll lose you if you don't move. But no, not a goose. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the sides. From the other two geese you didn't even know we're there. Geese are pack Hunter's, you see, he used coordinated attack patterns, and he is out in force today. He slashes at you with his beak, a six inch gaping maw, sharp as razors, jutting out from the middle of his sleek head. He doesn't bother to bite your jugular like a lion, say...no, no. He slashes at you in the chest, or your face, or maybe across the belly, spilling your intestines. Point is, you are alive when thy start to eat you. So, you know, try to show a little respect.
Edit: I actually did mean to comment on the story. It's super fascinating that the goose knew that a human could help it. Fucking fascinating.
Chie Satonaka
Member
As people have mentioned:
Geese are frightening.
We have nesting geese all around our building, and have signs around the entrance warning people so they don't step too close and get attacked. Nobody's going to look bad for saying they're afraid of them.
This is a cute story, tho.
Geese are frightening.
We have nesting geese all around our building, and have signs around the entrance warning people so they don't step too close and get attacked. Nobody's going to look bad for saying they're afraid of them.
This is a cute story, tho.
Tatsumaki Senpuukyaku!
Member
Permanently A
Junior Member
this thread is giving me the strange urge to go out and find a goose to fight
If you survive, don't forget to make a thread about how it kicked your ass. Godspeed, my friend.
Permanently A
Junior Member
Goose waited over a fucking hour to ambush this dude. lmao
Chie Satonaka
Member
You'll lose.
Permanently A
Junior Member
Renegade King
Member
About ten years ago I noticed the greatest Goose encounter of my life.
I lived in a town house area that had a park that would be behind all the houses where the kids would play.
When I was playing some games, I remember hearing the frightened screams of children.
Apparently there was this huge Canadian Goose, terrorizing the children, and they were all trapped at the top of a plastic Slide fort thing, that all parks have.
Kid would try to climb down, it attacked them.
After a while, a man, probably one of the kids fathers , came out with khaki short, and Pearl Jam t-shirt, and wielding a badminton racket.
He got attention of the goose, and the kids escaped, as the older gentlemen swore and swung the racket at this monster of a Goose.
Unfortunately, during one of the flurry of the wing buffets, the man totally let his guard down, and the goose really nailed him in the junk, like the goose knew where to hit exactly.
I remember the man going down yelling " Ahhhh my junk" and he collapsed on the floor, while the goose kept biting him in the legs and butt.
Soon after that, the humane society came to capture the goose and save the man, but lordy.... I will never forget that Man vs Goose moment for the rest of my life. thank god someone had the foresight to call the humane society.
I lived in a town house area that had a park that would be behind all the houses where the kids would play.
When I was playing some games, I remember hearing the frightened screams of children.
Apparently there was this huge Canadian Goose, terrorizing the children, and they were all trapped at the top of a plastic Slide fort thing, that all parks have.
Kid would try to climb down, it attacked them.
After a while, a man, probably one of the kids fathers , came out with khaki short, and Pearl Jam t-shirt, and wielding a badminton racket.
He got attention of the goose, and the kids escaped, as the older gentlemen swore and swung the racket at this monster of a Goose.
Unfortunately, during one of the flurry of the wing buffets, the man totally let his guard down, and the goose really nailed him in the junk, like the goose knew where to hit exactly.
I remember the man going down yelling " Ahhhh my junk" and he collapsed on the floor, while the goose kept biting him in the legs and butt.
Soon after that, the humane society came to capture the goose and save the man, but lordy.... I will never forget that Man vs Goose moment for the rest of my life. thank god someone had the foresight to call the humane society.
Bet you never could have imagined you'd be typing this
CreepingFear
Member
A goose legit attacked me a few weeks ago as I was going from my car to my work.
When I went inside, IT WAITED FOR MY ASS TO COME BACK OUT
When I first saw this post, I was in a Pepboys getting a smog check. I laughed my ass off.
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